I’m a scientific person. I don’t usually go by gut feelings, but this time I went by a gut feeling. It just felt right. I trained to be a peer mentor, and I didn’t end up with a mentee. Right now, I am floating around in the general [volunteer] pool, looking for something that I can do until the next round of applications.
I’m autistic. One of the core things they look for with autistic people when diagnosing us is that we tend to have an extremely strong sense of social justice. That’s been a huge part of me. I cannot stand to see injustice anywhere. I feel that the 2SLGBTQ+ community has always been something that’s been close to my heart. I actually was part of the first few Pride parades – if you can call them that – here in Calgary. Back in the day, it was probably about a dozen people with some dressed-up shopping carts and whatnot going through the streets, because this community is important.
When I was in high school, I had a friend who came out to his family, and was immediately shown the door. He ended up couch-surfing at a number of different homes for as long as we could possibly pull it off before social services discovered that he was basically homeless. [These issues] are near to my heart.
There was a meme that was going around on Pride this year asking why Pride is important. It said something about [how] there’s still at least one confused teen out there that is contemplating suicide. If we could save that one teen, that’s what it’s all about. That ties into my extremely strong brand of ethics.
It’s hard not to go on a rant about this. The last year has been weirdly worse it seems, than previous years. I even had to tear several strips out of somebody that was probably one of my closest friends in high school, because he’s grown up to have some very unpleasant views. It was upsetting, because I was very disappointed in him as a person based on who he was back then.
Most of my volunteer experiences have been with animals and nature. I’ve worked with a number of different animal and rescue societies. I actually ran an animal rescue for a number of years, which was a really wonderful thing. I’ve done a lot of volunteer work for environmental groups saving wetlands. Right now I’m part of a group that’s in the process of trying to rehabilitate and save Nose Creek and the watershed around that, as well as Confederation Creek.
Even if it comes down to saving a single animal, that’s a big deal. I’ve had so many little [rewarding experiences] that I don’t know if one particularly stands out. When you’ve worked hard and saved (at least what I consider) a very valuable land from development, that’s been a big win for me in the past.
Now, I’m hopefully getting into making a difference directly with people, which should be an interesting experience. [I hope that there’s] anything I can do that makes somebody feel more real, more accepted – anything that I can pass on through my experiences and whatnot, sort of learned wisdom, that will help somebody out that’s younger than me. It would have been wonderful to have somebody pop into my life 20 or 30 years ago and say, “Here’s some really helpful information that will make your life better.”
That’s what I’m hoping for, really. I had no idea I was autistic when I was in my teens, and having somebody pop in and say, “Here’s some important information about you, and you’re not the only freak on the block,” would have made a huge difference in that area as well.
It’s a big deal. Sexuality-wise, I thought for years I was the only person like me. I came from a slightly earlier generation where people didn’t really talk about a lot of things. You sure as heck didn’t sit down with one of your friends and go, “So, here’s what’s going on in my head,” because there was a really good chance your friend would look at you and say, “Oh my god, you’re some sort of freak. Get away from me,” so you just kept that stuff to yourself.
[I] didn’t have that peer support. It’s amazing when you connect with somebody and they go, “I actually understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been there too.”Suddenly you found your community, you found your people. There’s a whole bunch of people like me that think the way I do, [and] are the way that I am. That’s a really amazing moment.
My mom. Unfortunately, she passed last year. But she was absolutely and unconditionally my support in everything in my life. I am very certain that I am a good person because of her. She was old, and we saw it coming. But it was sad, because if anybody deserved to live to 150, she sure did. I know everybody says that about their relatives, but you had to have met her. There was nobody that she hated. She was the kindest, most accepting person that you’ll ever meet.
My mother was a “devout Christian” her entire life. Many years ago, she had bought into what the church had told her about the queer community. It was funny, because she was running a daycare. She had a chap working for her, which was uncommon – you didn’t have a lot of guys working in daycares. I remember her coming to me one day, and saying, “I’m a little concerned. I think he might be gay, and I’m worried about the children.”
I happened to know he was gay, because he used to bartend at one of the local gay bars here in town, but I couldn’t say anything. I said, “We need to have a little chat,” and we sat down and had a long chat about the entire LGBT community, what pedophilia was and wasn’t.
It really turned her around 180 degrees because of the kind of person she was. She changed so drastically from someone that had literal homophobia, to somebody who embraces the community. She said, “I’m not going to assume to know the mind of God. I don’t know if [2SLGBTQ+ communities] are going to have any issue with God in the afterlife. But, that’s between them and God. I was taught to love everybody as [themselves]. That’s the way I’m going to live my life.”
She was really supportive in the last 30 or so years of her life. That did a lot to empower me; I felt stronger because of it. I wouldn’t be the person I am without her in a huge way.
I have the benefit in many ways of being from my generation. I’ve experienced this weird, broad spectrum. We were the kids that grew up without computers and cell phones. We didn’t have computers until I was basically in high school. I was there for the AIDS panic. People were certain that if you accidentally touched a gay person, you were going to get AIDS and die. I was there prior to the AIDS panic, when there was an awful lot of pretty gay shit going on out there. Everybody assumed it was fashion, and the rest of us are going, “Yeah, I don’t think he’s straight.”
You just didn’t talk about it. It was okay because you didn’t talk about it. I experienced all of these different attitudes: knowing a tiny handful of people that were in the queer community back [when it was] underground, being part of community when it was starting to become semi-safe to be public about it, having experienced different attitudes in different cities and regions – it’s just this broad range of experience that gives me this insane perspective on things. Some of what I’ve seen [has] been really dark, depressing, [and] scary. Some of it’s been amazing.
I was [talking] to a friend of mine at the Pride celebration downtown last year. My mind is blown every time I think about it. In the 1980s, there’s no way on earth that wouldn’t have happened. Not even in places like San Francisco, nothing like that would have happened. You couldn’t really be out. Seeing that now, it’s just like, wow.
It’s kind of akin to the electronics explosion. Looking at the technology we have now versus the 1970s, and going, “Wow. We’re like Star Trek compared to there.”
We’ve advanced so much, who would have thought? It’s the same thing within the queer community. I’m very lucky in many ways to have experienced all of that, because the knowledge, information, and experience that it’s given me is probably something that nobody that hasn’t lived through the years that I’ve lived could possibly ever hope to know.
Although it hasn’t all been good, in many ways it has all been good. No experience is bad experience, and no knowledge is bad knowledge. I feel really fortunate to have that. That forms my knowledge [and] opinions that I can pass on to other people – kind of like being a living museum, a living library, a living book of history. I never thought I’d ever think of myself that way, because I never thought of being any sort of elder. Being able to understand when somebody posts a meme where they grabbed a couple bricks off a pile and say they’re stocking up for Pride, and knowing what that meant, and understanding the emotion behind it, it just feels so important.
