In December of this year, I will have been on this planet for 70 years. Every time I actually think about it, it still drives me crazy, because six months ago, I was 25. Believe me, time flies. Background-wise, I knew something was not the norm. This was back in the 50s. Before I even started school, I started wearing my mom’s clothes. At five years old, you don’t worry about whether or not there is a label to describe [yourself]. As time went by, I labeled myself as a cross-dresser, and I did [for] my entire adult life up until January 2015.
In January 2015, I was paragliding down in Bucaramanga, Colombia. On January 30th, I made three short flights in the morning. My next memory is just over a week later in the Medivac flight back to Calgary. I had flown [the] wing [of] my paraglider into a set of power lines directly adjacent to where we launch. I fell the better part of 70 ft and broke my entire body – crushed my pelvis, broke my back, massive concussion. All sorts of stuff that ended up with me being 3.5 months in [a] hospital in Calgary. While I was lying on my broken back, I realized that my 60 years [of life] had been a lie. I’m a woman, and I had been touching whatever little bits [of it], calling it cross-dressing simply to get through each day.
I went under the knife three times while still in Colombia. Each time, the surgeon said to Gordon [my emergency contact] that they did not know if I was going to wake up from all three operations. The realization [was like] an epiphany. I thought, “I’ve lived the first 60 years as a lie. I am not going to live the next 60 as a lie.”
Now, that’s a bit of a positive attitude, that I’ll make it to 120. But, Catherine became real and the acceptance [of that] has been wonderful.
I was put into a group, TransJourneys. They offered me a safe place and were helpful on many different levels. At that point, I had already been almost completely through the physical transition. I’ve received a whole bunch of support. I figured it was time to give back.
When the opportunity to mentor [at Outlink] came up, I was all over it. [Along with] doing the mentorship training, I have volunteered for a few casino [fundraisers].
I’ve done a number of presentations to groups over the last eight years, including one that I just did down in Fort Calgary. The mayor was at it, [and] I was one of four panelists. I was there representing Rainbow Elders as [a] moderator. We were asked to share something relevant to aging. I started off saying to the group that there was a belief of mine that they were going to hear a dozen times more: Respect everyone.
I can tell [that] everyone I have interacted [with] at Outlink has exactly my attitude and belief. Human beings, simply by being human, are entitled to respect. Having benefited from help from so many resources, and wanting to give back, [volunteering at] Outlink was the way to do it.
At this point, I have only mentored one person. [They were] a young transgender person. The trust I was given by them was huge. I was absolutely non-judgmental in my capacity as a mentor, [acting as] someone there to help. They were having trouble making ends meet and [they were] very young. They were going to [engage in] sex work. I had peripherally been aware through listening to people at TransJourneys, [about] the difficulties they were experiencing. This just really brought it home.
As a mentor, you have to be an active listener. The first thing that came to mind was, “How do you ensure your safety? Have you thought of what might heighten your safety?”
Working through that entire portion, [it was an] eye opener. As an adult, I’ve got 50 years of life experience that gives me a whole bunch more ammunition in the battle when something untoward happens. I’ve got stuff that I can dig deep [to] gather myself, and then withstand whatever the incident might be. When you’re 30, let alone [in your] early twenties, you don’t have the legs to stand on. You don’t have the comparison from life experience. When [I was] put together with [my mentee], I know how to listen, [whether you’re] 20 or 80.
As I always say: If you want to paint your belly button blue, go right ahead. [But] don’t ask me to paint mine blue. I’ve got things that I do, like my woodworking. [Some people are] like, “How can you spend that much time, that much money, just to make wood dust?”
That’s their attitude, their belief. I am not forcing them into my shop, nor do I expect the belly button painter to force me to do [that]. [It] goes back to that first word – respect.
Gordon Lightfoot – one of his lesser-known songs is called “Wherefore and Why.”
[I have] two all-time favorite movies. The original Music Man (1962). [The main lead] is a salesman in Iowa, coming in selling the concept of boy bands. He gets people to buy uniforms, instruments and everything. [The lead actress] is the town librarian. It’s a musical – I am a lifelong musician. Professionally, trumpet, flute, and guitar are my three main instruments. I play and teach all three. The whole movie [has] tremendous quality music in it [that] just really speaks to me.The other movie is The Princess Bride (1987). Do you remember the sword fight [scene]? I think that’s the best ever.
[As for] hobbies, remember the three words I gave – never quit? I don’t do anything halfway. I started [playing the] trumpet at six. In 1970, the World Expo that year was in Osaka, Japan. I [was] living in British Columbia. [The province] put together a full 55-piece concert band from all over the province. It was a highschool to college age group, and you had to be recommended to even apply to be tested to see if you would make it in the band. There were 200 trumpet players who applied for trumpet and cornet. There were two trumpet positions and six cornet positions. I not only made it, but I was picked as the solo cornet player in the band for the trip to the World Expo.I made my first skydive right around the end of October 1984, and then 3.5 years later as team captain of the Canadian national team. We went to Australia for the World Championships – which we won. I spent eight years as a competitive skater, dance and free dance. Never competed outside the country, but I have national medals. [I also do] archery. I’m a certified scuba diver.
I am also a competitive shooter. I [was] competing fifteen years ago in Red Deer. The nationals were there that year. I won in my category, and that was indoor 10 meter air pistol.
One of the joys of being on the planet for a while [is that] as long as you keep your mind open, you get to experience a whole pile of new stuff. I’ve never had the attitude of, “Oh, I can’t do that.”
[For] people that label it as “just a hobby,” I feel sad for them. If it’s “just” a hobby, you’re not experiencing life. They are dabbling in life; they are not jumping in [with their] full body.I am married. My wife, Sherry, [and I] had our 21st anniversary on March 21st. 20 years ago, when [we] started going out, she met “Catherine” half a dozen times before she met my male persona, and [she] was 3 000 000% supportive.
Everyone, you and I included, have quirks that contribute to making us individuals. I’ve heard that if you’re not prepared to grant your friends one iota of idiosyncrasy, craziness, or whatever, you’re never going to have any friends.
She and I come at stuff very differently. We have clashed many times. She continues to support me. For each of my medical transition procedures, I asked if she’d be able to take care [of me] once I got out of the hospital. [It] was not even a question. Top and bottom surgery, she was here. [She] drove me to and picked me up from the airport.
We are still a couple, still married. I’ve been married three times. My first two [marriages] ended because of my cross-dressing, let alone any transgender stuff.
I’ve had a number of friendships who, when I transitioned, made not one iota of difference in our friendships. I’ve got Ian, John, Gordon, Marco, Michelle, Melvee. I’ve been blessed with friends that are fringe to the level that if I’m [wanting] a “holy shit,” experience moment, they’ll be there.
I have been asked, on at least a few occasions, “Did you ever have suicidal thoughts?”
Not only [is my answer] no, but for myself intrinsically, I can’t even imagine wanting to end it. There have been some fairly substantial occurrences. One year, I lost my wife, I lost my dad (he passed away), I lost my home, I lost my job, and I was diagnosed diabetic – [all in the] same year. My take on it was, “Oh shit, that was a bad year,” [and I] moved on, rather than thinking, “Oh well, after all that, life is not worth living.”
